


I'm not as think as you drunk I am

by SuddenlySullen



Series: Wanna Bet? [1]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Bottom Wade Wilson, Drunken Flirting, M/M, Roof Sex, Top Peter Parker, Wade is an honorable merc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 16:05:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15052859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuddenlySullen/pseuds/SuddenlySullen
Summary: Peter calls Wade to pick him up from a party because he's drunk





	I'm not as think as you drunk I am

Wade had found the guy he was looking for while he was walking home from work a little after midnight. God bless idiots who work late. He yanked the guy down into an alleyway by the back of his shirt and tossed him against the bricks of the neighboring building.

“I hear you like feeling up drunk co-eds,” Wade chirped in a friendly tone.

“She’s a fucking liar!” The guy choked as Wade’s forearm slammed into him and pinned him there by the throat.

“And the video? That lying too?” Wade pulled a flip phone out of his pocket and played the video back to the guy. It showed him balls-deep in a guy who was clearly unconscious. “Can’t say I took you for the type to go both ways, but as they say: beggars can’t be choosers. And clearly you do a lot of begging if you gotta resort to the unconscious ones.”

The guy wheezed like he had something to say, but his trachea was being crushed under Wade’s forearm. Wade pulled his gun out and put it against the kid’s temple, taking a moment to take in the kid’s face. His eyes went wide with terror and tears starting to flow down his face. Just as Wade’s finger started to move onto the trigger, his phone started blaring from his back pocket. Putting the gun back, but keeping the guy pinned, Wade pulled his phone out of one of the pouches on his belt. 

A selfie he had taken with Spider-Man flashed across the screen. Spidey never called him. He popped the phone up to his ear without hesitation.

“Everything okay?” Wade’s voice was gruff and he hoped Spidey understood that it was because he was working, not because he was annoyed.

“Pool?” He heard Spidey slur on the other end of the line. “I need a lil help. I think I fucked up.” He was definitely drunk.

“Where are you?”

Peter gave him a vague description of where he was and then gave up, just sending his GPS location to Wade’s phone. 

“I’ll be there.” Wade hung up. “Looks like it’s your lucky day,” he said curtly, putting a bullet between his mark’s eyes. He tossed the burner phone with the videos on it on top of the guy’s body and stalked out of the alleyway, putting in a call to his favorite cabbie. They made it across the city in record time, Dopinder assuring Wade that he would be waiting outside in the event that they needed to leave quickly. It was a fraternity house, that much was clear, though Wade doubted Spidey was the kind of guy to be in a fraternity. 

His eyes scanned the group of people on the porch, then he remembered that he actually had no idea what Spidey looked like without the suit on and pulled out his phone to call him. Before he made it to the call screen, a mop of brown hair flew into him. 

“You came!” It slurred into his neck.

“Uh,” Wade wasn’t sure how to tell if this was his friend or not.

“It’s me,” the kid said a little softer, “Sorry for calling you I just don’t have anyone else to call.” His words all blurred into one another, but fortunately Wade was used to talking to drunks.

“Let’s get out of here.” Wade practically carried the kid to the cab, depositing him in the backseat. “I’ll take you home.”

“Nononononono,” Spidey scrambled, “Can’t go home.”

“Alright, you can stay with me tonight, calm down. What happened to you, kiddo?”

“Just some bitch.” Spidey leaned across the back seat and rested his head on Wade’s shoulder, closing his eyes.

The cab made its way towards Wade’s apartment much slower than they had cleared the city to get to Spidey and Wade thanked whatever gods there were that Dopinder seemed to understand that he needed to feel this one out. 

“Kept hitting on me,” Spidey finally continued, “Didn’t wanna take no for an answer. Told her I was gay and she freaked and started yelling about it. Couple guys tried to rough me up.”

Wade growled. He thought back to the guy he had put a bullet into not even an hour earlier and his brain was flooded with images of the video of that guy, except this time it was Spiderman that was passed out drunk at a party and being violated by that kind of scum. He balled his fists tightly.

“It’s okay though cause you saved me,” Spidey nuzzled into him slightly. “You smell good. Do you always smell good?” The kid’s arms clung to the arm that was closest to him. 

“We’re here,” Wade sprung forward and opened the door almost before Dopinder had stopped the cab. “Thanks, pal.” Wade tossed a large wad of cash onto the front seat as he exited the cab, even more than he usually tipped. 

Wade reached back into the back seat to help Spidey out, catching him in both arms when he stumbled. To both of their surprised, Spidey immediately puked. 

“Ugh,” Spidey recoiled, “I’m so sorry” He gagged again.

“Shh shh shh,” Wade scooped him up into his arms and started carrying him bridal-style up the stairs to his apartment. “I got you.”

Once they were inside Wade’s apartment, he set the kid down in his bathroom where he immediately fell to his knees and hugged the toilet bowl, dry heaving and retching. Wade slipped out of the bathroom and took off his vomit-soaked costume, changing into a hoodie and sweatpants but keeping his mask on. He went back to the bathroom and sat on the edge of the tub, rubbing circles on Spidey’s back. 

When the dry heaves subsided, Spidey pulled his head out of the toilet bowl and struggled to remove his T-Shirt. He finally managed to toss it into the trash can and fell backwards into the space between Wade’s knees. 

“You okay, kiddo?” 

Wade tried to ignore the fact that Spidey was half naked on his bathroom floor. He really tried to ignore the way that his muscles rippled when he tensed up. He very especially tried to ignore how absolutely perfect those abs looked outside of the suit. He had seen bits and pieces of Spidey’s milky skin when they fought together, but there was something painfully intimate about having the young hero situated on his knees in between his feet. Wade pushed the thought of Spidey doing anything on his knees all the way out the back of his brain and made a mental note to shoot himself in the dick later for even thinking that way about his friend while he was drunk and vulnerable. The thought of the guy he had killed earlier came back to him and it made bile rise in his throat to think that he and that dumpster fire of a human may have shared the same thought at some point. 

“Why’s your mask on?” Spidey interrupted Wade’s train of thought. His eyes narrowed as he struggled to focus on Wade.

“You’re already throwing up, baby boy. You don’t need all this,” he gestured to his face, “to encourage you to toss what’s left of your cookies.”

“I like your face,” he replied simply, letting his head fall onto one of Wade’s legs. Wade knew he had seen him without his mask on a few times when it had gotten torn up in a fight, but they had never actually talked about it. Wade wasn’t like Spidey. His identity didn’t matter because there was no one left to be in danger if people knew who he was. Or rather, there wasn’t anyone left until recently.

“You are something else, Spider-Babe.”

“Peter.” Spidey slurred into his leg, eyes closed. “Name’s Peter.”

“You are something else,  _ Peter _ .” Wade replied sarcastically, shifting uncomfortably. “Let’s get you somewhere to sleep this off, huh?”

Peter nodded, but made no effort to move. 

Wade stood and helped Peter to his feet, standing with his chest pressed to the kid’s back. At that moment, Wade realized exactly how much bigger he was than Peter. He knew SpiderMan was small and skinny, but having him pressed against his body made that fact startlingly clear. Apparently Peter noticed as well, when he leaned harder against Wade.

“Wow. You’re big.” Peter slurred. 

“You know what they say about guys with big shoulders,” Wade started.

“They’re compensating for something,” Peter interrupted, giggling at the huff Wade let out. 

“Alright funny guy,” Wade smiled under his mask, “Let’s get you to somewhere safe to sit down before you fall down on me again, huh?” 

Wade picked Peter up easily, appreciating the squeak that he let out when his feet left the ground. What he did not appreciate was that the kid was still just as squiggly as always and managed to twist himself around and wrap his arms and legs around Wade’s waist and neck. 

“Petey, come on,” Wade stuttered slightly, “you’re drunk and that’s not funny.”

“Mmmm,” Peter hummed in his ear, “You  _ really _ smell good.”He nuzzled into Wade’s neck. “But this,” he pulled at the bottom of the mask with his teeth, “is a real mood killer.”

“No mood to kill,” Wade shook his head. “I’m not into non-consent and drunk consent is non-consent, peanut.” 

“But you’re so pretty,” Peter whined. “I’m not even that drunk.”

“Those two statements are not compatible with each other,” Wade laughed.

Peter’s only response was a soft whine into the side of Wade’s neck.

Wade gave up on  convincing Peter to let go of his own accord, so he decided to walk them out to the couch. Leaning over the couch, he tried to plop Peter down, but Peter clung to him like he had seen him cling to the sides buildings. 

“Peter,” Wade groaned.

“What?” Peter feigned ignorance.

“You know what, sneaky spider.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Peter nuzzled into Wade’s neck. “I’m drunk, remember?”

Wade tried not to smile as he gave up that particular battle. He turned around and sat down on the couch with Peter still clinging onto him like if he let go he would fall 50 stories to his death. A nagging voice in the back of Wade’s head told him that Peter was just grateful that he had picked him up and they would go back to normal in the morning. Another part of him just enjoyed the feeling of having someone hold onto him like he meant something to them. 

“Please take it off?” Peter mumbled into Wade’s neck, nudging at the mask again. “It’s only fair since I don’t have mine.”

“I’m sure I have a spare you can borrow if you wanna let me up.” Wade’s hands came up to Peter’s waist to move him, but Peter clung right where he was.

“Nuh uh. I’ll just barf in it anyway. Pretty please?”

Wade sighed and reached behind his head, tossing the mask out of reach so he wouldn’t be tempted to put it back on. “Happy?”

Peter’s head left his shoulder and he brought his face uncomfortably close to Wade’s. Wade could feel the boy studying his features and hoped that maybe he was just too drunk to even remember anything come morning. 

“Wow,” Peter breathed. “You’re even prettier up close.”

Peter’s eyes fluttered shut and he leaned forward as if he meant to kiss Wade. Immediately, Wade’s hand came up between them and nudged him away.

“Told ya Peter. I might be a monster, but even monsters get consent.”

“But I want this,” Peter whined again. “I always want this.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying, sweetheart.” Wade guided Peter back to laying on his shoulder. “We can talk about it in the morning if you want.”

“But I  _ do _ know what I’m saying!” Peter’s voice was slightly muffled by the fact that his mouth was against Wade’s neck.

“Baby boy, please,” Wade groaned. “You’re making this hard.”

“I make you hard?” Peter said with a grin.

“No fair, Pete. Bad puns and raunchy pick up lines are my job.”

“You’ve been replaced.”

“The student becomes the master.” Wade shook his head and tried to hide his smile.

“You can call me master if you want to, but I really prefer ‘sir’,” Peter laughed. 

Wade choked on nothingness. “Easy, tiger.”

“But whyyy,” Peter whined again.

“I don’t want to do anything we can’t come back from. Not while you’re drunk. Not like this.” Wade’s voice was calm and collected even though he felt like he was going to explode.

“Well,  _ he  _ seems to disagree,” Peter moved his hips slightly to bring Wade’s attention to his growing erection.

Wade bit into his lip to choke back a moan. “He doesn’t get a say in this one, baby boy.”

Peter grumbled softly, letting his body relax into Wade’s. Wade brought his hands up to stroke Peter’s back, shushing him whenever he started to get antsy and try to wiggle around. The back of Wade’s brain ached for more of the kid’s hips to come into contact with his now-straining erection, but the front of his brain screamed what a monster he was for even enjoying the contact they were already having. He tried to rationalize that since Peter was on top of him, he could leave at any time, but that forcing him off would be cruel. The poor kid had had a traumatizing night that ended with vomiting in Wade’s less-than-spotless apartment. Wade wasn’t planning to add heartbreak to that list, whether it would be founded or not. He had spent enough time around drunk people to know that whether their feelings were real when they were sober or not, rejection still hurts. The absolute last thing Wade would ever do is reject Peter. 

Wade let himself relax into the couch as Peter finally calmed down. He could feel the kid nuzzling into his neck, but did his best to ignore it. Peter’s body remained still even as his breathing quickened.

“You smell really good,” Peter murmured again.

Wade laughed. “Was it the gunpowder or the stale sweat that did it for you, sweetheart?”

“It’s you,” was all Peter replied, starting to sound sleepy.

Wade shook his head and hushed Peter, bringing a hand up to muss his fluffy hair. Peter smiled against his neck, hugging him a little tighter. Peter’s milky white skin erupted into goosebumps when Wade’s hands moved over him. He bit his lip and tried to hide the whimper that came out of his mouth, but when Wade heard it he pulled his hands away again.

Peter sighed, rolling his hips again. “Sorry,” he followed up, “Can’t help it.”

“See?” Wade tried to sound upbeat, “Completely out of control and drunk. No idea what you’re doing. You’ll certainly regret all this come morning.”

“Nuh uh,” Peter shook his head, “You will though.”

“Told ya, baby boy, I don’t take advantage of sweet little drunk boys.”

“You think I’m sweet?” Wade could hear the smile in Peter’s voice even though his face was still tucked into his neck.

“Almost unbearably so.”

Peter giggled and Wade felt his stomach flip. He imagined that the kid was blushing even though he couldn’t see to know for sure and the idea that he had that effect on his friend brought a spreading warmth into his chest. 

“But what if I take advantage of you,” Peter sat up straighter so Wade could see his face. He was grinning mischievously. 

“Excuse me?” Wade cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Drunk, out of control, super strength. You’re powerless, really.”

“You and I both know that’s not true, baby boy.”

“But it could be.” For emphasis, Peter pinned Wade’s shoulders to the couch and leaned forward to kiss his forehead. 

Wade’s mouth gaped. He tested Peter’s strength and found that he could have moved if he really really wanted to, but the kid was a lot stronger than he thought when he put his mind to it. Peter released his shoulders after about half a second of him struggling, but he had made his point.

“See?” Peter let his hands fall into his own lap. “We all know you’re a bottom anyway.”

“Who? Me?” Wade mock-fainted. “I would never!”

Peter snorted. “You ask me to fuck you like… Daily.”

“Well,” Wade sputtered, “At least I don’t torment you with dangling my beautiful drunken booty at you when it’s off limits!”

Peter whined again, “I’m not even that drunk anymore. I’ll prove it.”

“And how exactly do you plan on doing that?” Wade grinned.

“Wanna go for a ride?” Peter had that mischievous look in his eye again.

“Dopinder has a family you know! It’s like three in the morning.”

“With me, goof. I’ll give you a piggyback. If I drop you, you get to fuck me tomorrow. If I make it back here with both of us intact, I get to fuck you tonight.”

Wade felt his eyes go wide. Not only did Peter just say the F-Word, he implied that he would be okay with having sex with Wade when he was sober too. His eyes searched Peter’s face for the humor that must have been hidden there somewhere, but he found none. He let out an exasperated sigh, which caused Peter to squeak happily and give him a quick hug before jumping off his lap with a surprising amount of grace. That did not bode well for Wade’s chances of winning this bet. 

“I’m gonna need to borrow one of those masks,” Peter grinned.

Wade held tight onto Peter’s back as they took a flying leap off the roof of his building. This wasn’t the first time they had traveled like this, but the sensation of falling still made Wade’s stomach vault over itself every time until Peter caught them midair. 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Wade said loudly over the wind.

“Trust me,” Peter said, swinging them in a wide arc around a particularly large building.

Wade clung to Peter’s back as they moved over the city. Sparkling lights dotted the streets below, though most of the buildings were dark this late. Wade watched the streets below to see if anyone noticed them, but everyone who was out and about this late seemed too absorbed in their own little lives to look up and see the two of them reeling through the air. Peter touched down on a rooftop, depositing Wade on his feet next to him and bursting into laughter when Wade’s legs went to jelly and he stumbled before sitting down on the gravel of the roof.

“I win,” Peter stated simply. “Pay up.”

“Here?!” Wade looked around him in a panic, but found that there wasn’t even roof access on this building.

“Trying to back out on me, Pool? And here I thought you were a man of your word.”

“You’re on.” Wade stood and faced Peter. “Suit stays.”

Peter flashed a smile and pushed Wade back against the a/c unit for the building. He rolled the bottom half of both their masks up so that he could give Wade a desperate kiss. Their teeth clashed as their hands roamed over each other on top of their clothing. Peter ground his hips into Wade, pressing their cocks against each other. 

Wade dropped to his knees and worked his fingers quickly to free Peter’s cock from the jeans he was wearing. Peter hissed slightly when the cold air hit his skin, but the hiss turned into a moan when his cock was enveloped in the warmth of Wade’s mouth. He leaned forward and braced his arms against the metal in front of him, his mouth falling open. Wade’s tongue rolled around the head of Peter’s cock, coating him in a thick layer of saliva. He moved his head, letting Peter feel the back of his throat massaging him while his tongue worked its way over the rest of his length. Peter didn’t make any effort to control the moans that were rolling out of his mouth. Wade savored the taste of Peter leaking into his mouth and tried to ignore the straining harness in his own groin. He kept his eyes upward, watching Peter’s mouth, since it was the only part of his face that was exposed, not that he needed to. The sounds that the boy was making carried across the rooftop loud enough that Wade was almost worried that people on the street below might hear them. Peter’s head lolled back, exposing his throat.  He let Wade suck his cock until he felt like he might burst before pulling him to his feet, panting rapidly.

Peter kissed Wade hard, forcing his tongue into the other man’s mouth. Their teeth clacked against each other with the force of their mouths against each other. 

“I’ve been waiting way too long for this,” Peter growled and turned Wade around, pushing his chest forcefully against the cold metal.

Wade’s face turned to the side and Peter reached up, pulling his mask back down. A smile and a blush spread across Wade’s face. Even though Peter had him pinned against an a/c unit and was about to fuck him silly, he still took the time to make sure Wade was as comfortable as possible. Before Wade could get too sappy about it, Peter let out a soft growl and slid the bottom half of Wade’s suit down just far enough to uncover his ass. 

“You ready?” Peter asked as he lined his cock up to Wade’s entrance.

“For you? Always.” Wade arched his back slightly to give Peter easier access.

Peter slid his cock in agonizingly slowly. Wade’s moans were stuttered with each additional inch until Peter was seated all the way in his ass. His legs trembled and threatened to collapse from underneath him. Peter’s head dropped against Wade’s shoulder.

“So good,” he panted, “You feel so good, Wade.”

Wade rocked his hips slightly, unable to speak but looking for more contact. Without warning, Peter pulled almost all the way out and slammed his hips back into Wade. They both moaned and paused for a moment before Peter started slamming in and out of Wade at a brutal pace. His forehead stayed pressed firmly against Wade’s shoulder, but his hands moved to slide up and down Wade’s sides. Wade could tell he was close when his strokes became shorter and quicker. Peter’s arm came around Wade’s waist and his hand worked its way around Wade’s leaking cock. Wade almost came as soon as Peter’s hand touched him. His cock had been aching for contact he had assumed it wasn’t going to get and before the initial shock had even worn off, Peter was biting into his shoulder and coming into him. The feeling of hot fluid shooting into him and Peter’s cock pulsing sent Wade tumbling over the edge. He came all over Peter’s hand and the rooftop, collapsing into the smaller boy behind him as soon as he finished.

Peter supported Wade’s weight easily, still panting slightly into his ear. “So perfect,” he whispered, “This was so perfect, Wade.”

Wade smiled under his mask and just enjoyed the feeling of Peter holding onto him. Peter dotted a few kisses on the side of Wade’s neck, allowing him to recover for a moment before he stood up on his own. 

“You going home?” Wade’s voice wavered slightly.

“I believe the bet was actually that I had to get us both back to your place intact.” Peter smiled. 

“You cheated!” Wade exclaimed.

“Guilty as charged,” Peter laughed.

“I demand compensation.” Wade put his hands on his hips.

“Oh no,” Peter said sarcastically, “how ever shall I repay you?”

“Looks like I get to cash in on that bet. Hope that sweet ass tastes as good as it looks, baby boy.” Wade leaned in next to Peter’s ear and lowered his voice. “I am going to  _ wreck  _ you.”

Peter grinned widely. “Wanna bet?”


End file.
